When you came to my doorstep with that carton of misery and Moo Shoo Pork, ebony chopsticks with that gilt inlay; dragon devouring phoenix, devouring dragon, I opened the door to touch you. Plum sauce tossed aside and we sat drinking, naked and still breathless. I lit a long cigarette and stared up at your endless eyes. I thought of polished and pitted wooden floors and an overstuffed couch as the breeze outside blew lovingly through potted palms and hibiscus. The sticky Texas heat seems a million miles away in our air conditioned cocoon. You reached down and stroked my face and I was lost. Devoured. Like the dragon and the phoenix and the dragon I was consumed and yet there I was, alive to face another day.
Hunger
When you came to my doorstep with that carton of misery and Moo Shoo Pork, ebony chopsticks with that gilt inlay; dragon devouring phoenix, devouring dragon, I opened the door to touch you. Plum sauce tossed aside and we sat drinking, naked and still breathless. I lit a long cigarette and stared up at your endless eyes. I thought of polished and pitted wooden floors and an overstuffed couch as the breeze outside blew lovingly through potted palms and hibiscus. The sticky Texas heat seems a million miles away in our air conditioned cocoon. You reached down and stroked my face and I was lost. Devoured. Like the dragon and the phoenix and the dragon I was consumed and yet there I was, alive to face another day.
Pool Party
The picture of Ian and his friend Joey in that very small pool just cracks me up!
Memorial Day!
Mania
When in these phases its not uncommon to be caught up and carried along doing things you would never otherwise do. I've done some things I look back on now and absolutely cannot understand. Getting a tattoo on my forearm for example. Not a big deal but wow, it's terrible work! WHY did I do that? At the time, it was a fantastic idea. At the time there were no alarm bells going off for me. That's the thing, when we do these things without batting an eyelash it's because we truly feel they are super good ideas. Later, when you come back down, reality comes crashing back down around you and you're left thinking, "What the hell have I done?".
When my bipolar started to get bad, the worst it's ever been, I began to hear things. Yes, I know how crazy that is. In my manic state I heard whispers, I was suicidal, I was terrified and completely off my rocker. Convinced that evil things were about trying to hurt me. This was when I decided to turn to medication and you know what? It worked. That was a mercifully short period of my life, these things happened because other factors aggravated my existing problem. I've since learned the value of seeing the triggers as they happen and taking steps to stop the snowball effect. I've learned maintenance for my life to keep myself emotionally, thus mentally, happy. Healthy foods, moderate exercise, the permission to myself to talk about the things troubling me; these simple things have allowed me to live a med-free and thankfully event-free life (bipolar-wise) for years now.
I think people like Beth over at Manic Mother are doing us all a great service by talking about their illness and thusly educating others so that people like myself can reap the benefits. I hope my posts does the same.
I hope you'll consider popping over and reading her story. Maybe tweet it, Digg it, or even donate if you have the funds. I understand how financially straining it is to not have enough for gas to get your child to the hospital, need a more reliable vehicle or have an extended hospital stay in which you have to feed yourself.
Thanks everybody. Love to you all.
Friday Fun
Flashback Friday!
I am participating in Scary Mommy's uber-fun idea of Flashback Friday. I don't have many blog entries so in lieu of that, I'll post this here old-ass and super fly picture.
This was taken about 3 years ago in Mainz, Germany (where we lived at the time) at a club called Kuz. We were, obviously, completely wasted. Good times. The people are, from right to left, my darling hubs John. Yes, the man licking my face is indeed the love of my life. Then comes myself and next to me is my sweet friend and super duper bestie, Ashley. Ashley was the hit of the evening as she later lost her cookies all over the floor. This is one of my all time favorite pictures and I can't begin to say why. I suppose because it was a night with people I love, in a place I love, having a damn good time.
These evenings are few and far between anymore. The clostest I get to a club since my sweet Miss Kitty was born is hanging out in my living room, watching anime and drinking Cape Cods. Or boxed wine. Or both. In my underwear.