Dear Vagina

Okay,

SO maybe my great blog networking plan can wait seeing as this is the subject I've been compelled to write about today. I just have to wonder what the hell is going on down there. Honestly, over the last 10 years the poor thing has been steadily going down hill (Thank you kids. Lovely.) but this isn't about that, this is something else.

I wake up this morning and take my regular sleep tinkle, or "slinkle". All is well. I wipe.

"HOLY FUCK! What was that?!"

It feels like a scratch. A long scratch. Maybe a big ass paper cut. In my vag. Where did it come from? Why is it there?

Why oh why is it that as I get older these happenings, well, happen? I should KNOW how, when and where this occurred. It's not like in my 20's when after a night of heavy drinking and chandelier-swinging sex a few black eyes and somebody else's underwear would have been filed under "weird but acceptable". Is this mom brain? A "senior moment"? Do I have a tumor? Who doesn't know how they injured their vagina?

Me. That's who.